A Little Bit Of Pain
by remorseofthedead
Summary: AU. Usopp will put up with pretty much anything to never be alone again. But sometimes, Sanji just loses control.


I do not own One Piece.

This is a pretty dark fic. You have been warned.

I have nothing against Sanji. I just really liked this idea and couldn't think of anyone else to use.

* * *

It had started the first time we made love. You told me that it hurt and asked me to slow down. But I just thought you were trying to back out, were just afraid, so I continued. It was only after I had finished that I noticed the tears in your eyes and the blood running down your thighs. I apologized profusely, but you just smiled, "its okay, I can handle a little bit of pain, if it makes you happy," you whispered before walking into the bathroom to clean up.

After that night, I tried to be more careful around you. I was gentler and tried my best to make you happy…At least for a little while. It was one evening in the summer. I had had a bad week at work. I was cooking supper and you were telling me some exaggerated story about something that had happened at work. I had ended up burning some of the food. I quickly turned to face you, striking out with my hand, all the while yelling at you to shut up. I hit you just hard enough to leave a hand print. You look down for a few seconds, your hand on your cheek. My eyes widen in shock, I step forward, apologizing. I don't what had come over me. But you just shake your head, look up at me and smile, "its fine, I can handle a little bit of pain. I'm sorry I bothered you."

Things just progressed from there. I began to hit you for every little thing, I honestly didn't realize that I was doing it until it was over and you were staring at me with that small smile, insisting that you could handle a little bit of pain. It got worse as the weeks passed. Soon we began making hospital visits. Broken or fractured bones, concussions, and everything in between. But you would just make up some story as to what had happen. Then when we got home and began to apologize, you would smile softly and whisper, "I'm fine, I can handle a little bit of pain."

You began to change around that time. You stopped telling elaborate stories, you stopped playing childish games with Luffy and Chopper, you wouldn't go out with any of the guys unless I was there, you stopped drawing or thinking up crazy inventions, you stopped helping Franky build things and you stopped laughing and only smiled as you insisted that you could handle a little bit of pain.

I had always told myself that if I ever went too far that you would tell me. But now…sitting here in the waiting room, I realize that there would have never been a too far. I thought that I had always made you happy, but that wasn't really the case. Maybe you were happy at first, before everything started going down hill, but the past few years, you just didn't want to be alone. Ever since your father left and your mother died, you have had a fear of abandonment…a fear of having no one. You just wanted someone to claim that they loved you…and once you had that, you would do anything in your power to make them stay. I did love you…I still love you, Usopp. If I could, I would do anything in my power to make it up to you. To make you see how amazing you really are. If you ever woke up that is. But I know that I will never get the chance, Luffy and the others will make sure of that. They made that obvious as they hit me, demanding that I leave and never come near you again. So, for the past two weeks, I have sat in this waiting room, hoping and praying that they will change their minds, but knowing that it will never happen.

I stand to the side, far enough away that Luffy won't throw a fit, and watch as you finally leave the hospital, wrapped in multitudes of bandages. I wait for your to look my way, I wait for that small smile and whispered words. But when you do look at me, all I get is eyes widened in fear before you quickly turn away and begin walking slightly faster. Going home that night, I was shocked to find all of your things gone. Looking through the pictures we had on the mantle, I begin crying, suddenly realizing how unhappy you have been.

I began watching you, following you. I noticed that you never left Luffy's and Zoro's house alone, I'm not sure if that is your doing, or their's. When I had first stood outside the house, carefully hidden a few feet away, it had been in the hopes of catching you alone. I had so many things I wanted to tell you. But one, or both, of them were with you at all times. So, I began following you, hoping to catch you alone at least for a few minutes. But it never happened. Then one day you saw me, I could tell the second you realized I was there. Your face tightened and your body tensed slightly. It broke my heart to realize that you didn't want there, that you no longer wanted to be with me…that you were actually afraid of me.

Sitting in my bathtub, smoking a cigarette I think of the day you confessed to me, you were so nervous, stuttering and trembling slightly. You blurted out your feelings so quickly and jumbled that I couldn't understand a word you said. When I asked for you to repeat it, you became more distressed, thinking I was making fun of you. You slowly repeated yourself, before turning and running away. I chased you down, kissed you passionately, causing you to smile broadly, your eyes lighting up with happiness, before a deep blush covers your face, extending to the tip of your nose and you try to hide it from me. You have always been a coward, but you know, Usopp. I think I may be the bigger coward between us. I laugh bitterly, reaching for my razor. I stare at it for a few seconds, you had got it for me, remember Usopp? It was for my birthday, you had Zoro make it, seeing as he makes the best blades in the city. You were so happy when you handed it to me. I remember the day vividly, but for some reason I can't recall your smiling face. Laughing bitterly, I press the blade against my skin, pressing down until blood begins to seep out, and drag it upward. I wince at the burning sensation that is now traveling through my arms. But I can handle a little bit of pain, if it makes you happy, Usopp. I make several more cuts, each one deeper than the last, until all I see is red, which slowly fades to black.


End file.
